


Insanity

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-13
Updated: 2004-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-26 17:31:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12063726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian is a bit screwed up, and he knows it. He knows it even more when he thinks about Justin.





	Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Brian has always thought there was something a little bit wrong with him. 

 

Everyone has always told him so, of course. His mom and sister were the first, always criticizing in disappointed sighs and catty hisses; dad was always just drunk enough to yell and hit. After teachers and peers, Debbie was the next person, calling him a shit and shaking her head at his attitude and obnoxious comments. Lindsey found his emotional problems amusing, and sometimes slightly sad but she was blind to anything else. And Michael, despite his loyal worshipping, would occasionally give him looks that made Brian feel like he was still a child who would never grow up.

 

Not that he wanted to.

 

And then there was Justin.

 

When Brian closed his eyes, he'd see Justin's adoring blue eyes staring up at him. But then he could always hear that strong, unwavering masculine voice that Justin's had developed into telling him that if he wanted to leave, he'd had better reasons. Plenty of them.

 

So, yeah, Brian knew he was fucked up.

 

Sometimes when he thought of Justin, he'd resort to a kindergarten existence. "Pretty blonde hair" or "Pretty blue eyes" or "White teeth" or "I feel happy when he hugs me" or "Justin's cock is so.."

 

...Okay, so kindergarteners didn't think that way, but still. Maybe Brian simplified to keep himself from thinking what he actually thought. If that made any fucking sense. Which it didn't, of course, because, hey? Screwed up, remember?

 

But occasionally, when he was laying naked in his bed, smoking a cigarette or a joint, listening to Justin snore next to him, he'd let himself go. Let that insanity take over.

 

He'd let himself like the way Justin was letting his hair grow in again, all gold and mussed to perfection. Or the sky blue expressiveness of his eyes, how they'd get round or squint. And that smile, fuck, that smile got Brian every time, so bright and bold and brave and a bunch of other 'b' words that he'd only ever think, never utter. Then there was his body, smallish but broad and growing older and darker and stronger every day. Still pale though, and pinkish, and delicate, and Brian didn't know whether he wanted to bite it or protect it sometimes. 

 

It was as if he liked Justin's body so much, he wanted to eat it up, and hold it inside himself and be possessed and exist just for him...his boy.

 

The closest he could get was when they fucked, and as much as that happened, Brian could never distance himself enough to actually appreciate how connected they were. He was too caught up, too overwhelmed by the sensations. By the feel of Justin's clenching muscles and the way he'd fist the sheets and gasp. When the tip of Justin's tongue would touch the edge of his front teeth as he stared up at Brian through his lashes, which was almost more erotic than his groans of "Harder, Brian. _Harder_ , damnit. _Fuck_ me."

 

Brian liked when Justin said his name. 

 

He liked it even more when he'd say it as his hands found Brian's, and their fingers would automatically intertwine, so right and comfortable and flawless. And especially when he said it as he'd be scratching his ear, and tilting his head to the side, and sighing sweetly between those pink-shell colored boy lips.

 

Yeah, totally fucked up.

 

And then, before he'd fall asleep to Justin's perfect snores, he'd tell himself that secretly, all those 'likes' he had regarding Justin were really 'love's.


End file.
